At first glance this statement might be viewed as a promotion for divorce. It’s not.
Recently I connected with a friend I had not seen in about 10 years. We had been attending the same church and were in a couple’s Bible study together. As we caught up on life, he shared that his marriage had ended, and that he and his former wife were both re-married. He described his new relation in positive terms, but then said, “If I had known the impact our divorce would have on our lives and the lives of our children, extended family and friends I would have worked harder on my first marriage.”
So let’s think about some implication of divorce…
- Effect on Children. Two biological parents are considered the “gold standard” in terms of child performance. Nothing else comes close. If you were to take any adult bad outcome (eg. trouble with police, chronic unemployment, divorce, teenage pregnancy, etc.), the probability of having one is about double if you come from a divorced home. This does not mean every child of divorce goes to jail. It means that if the chance of jail for a child living with both parents is 5%, then other things equal, a child of divorce faces a 10% chance. 90% of children from divorce don’t end up in jail. But the point is, why are you putting the lives and futures of your children at risk?
- If children are small, then it is likely that your spouse will date or remarry. Having another non-biological adult in a home increases the likelihood of neglect and abuse for children. Over half of reported sexual abuse cases are committed by “boyfriend of mother.” Single parents make up the next highest category. Again, a small fraction of children are sexually abused, but children living with both biological parents are almost never sexually abused.
- The worst financial move you can make is to get divorced. There are economies of scale in forming households, and two households for the same number of people operate at higher costs. Worse, your ex spouse may have little interest in your financial goals, and may interfere with them.
- Divorce, again when children are young, means that neither parent can specialize in child care. This means that both take turns with Dr visits, sick days, schools, etc. These things reduce the productivity at work. Those divorced end up earning less, are less likely to be promoted, and more likely to be stuck in low paying jobs.
by Mike Woodard
used by permission
FURTHER READING
Creating Affection, Warmth and Encouragement
Rebuilding After a Wife’s Affair
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