Full of Days

By Mark Buchanan
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I turned 48 this week.  I’m now older than my in-laws were when I first met them, and my son is almost as old as I was when I first wooed Cheryl.  I had hair on my head then, and none in my ears, and a body I could fold in half, and knees that could ski moguls all day and ask of me no favours the next.  I could clearly hear, and even sing, notes in an upper register, thread a needle in one try, and read fine print on medicine bottles (the once or twice a year I actually needed medicine).  I never napped on the couch, but a few times I wrestled, single-handedly, a couch down a stair case, and one time up.
                
                      What happened here?

A month ago, I hurt my knee.  I’m not exactly sure how.  Something ruptured, something tore.  Now I limp like Jacob or, if it’s really flared, like Quasimodo.  I’ve reached that stage of life where I can no longer trust my body to do what I ask it or go where I send it.
               
                    Crud.

 I’ve been thinking muchly of that biblical phrase, “full of days.�  Many of the patriarchs died full of days.  Roughly, it means they were old.  But it resonates beyond that.  Jesus died at 33.  Yet he was full of days.  Stephen, the first martyr, was likely in his 20s when Paul and company stoned him to death.  Yet he was full of days.  Pastor Carol, who we said goodbye to nearly 2 years ago, was barely into her 40s when she left us.  Yet she was full of days.
             
  I’ve buried many old saints, but I’ve also buried 90-year-olds who I wouldn’t describe as full of days.  They went to their graves bitter, nostalgic, self-absorbed, clinging to baubles and trifles.  And I’ve buried young people who died tragically, because of choices that betrayed them, but I’ve also buried teenagers who died full of days.  They left this world with courage and thanksgiving, radiant with hope. 
 
 Being full of days is not about the duration of your life: it’s about its depth.  It’s not about longevity: it’s about abundance.  Its touchstone is not greyness: it’s grace.

As I age, I want full days.  I am more and more committed to living the fullness of life that Jesus promised (John 10:10).  I want to laugh with more heartiness and weep with greater rawness.  I want to say “I love you� more times in a day than anything else, and “I’m sorry� as quick and as often as it’s needed.  I want to linger with my friends, forgive my enemies, and reconcile with those I estranged along the way.  I want to love God with all I have and all I am.  I want to love my neighbour as myself.
 
               Whether I die soon or late, I want to leave this world full of days.
 
              Even if, between than and now, I go limping all the way.

You can comment on this devotional online at:
http://thoughtsaboutgod.com/blog/2008/07/24/mb_full-of-days/

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Mark Buchanan is a pastor and freelance writer who lives on the West Coast of Canada. Educated at the University of British Columbia and Regent College. Has written, ‘The Rest of God;’ ‘Your God is too Safe’, and ‘Things Unseen’. 
Learn more about Mark: www.newlifechurch.bc.ca/about-us/mark/